Dance of Life"
Edvard Munch (1863-1944)
Celion Dion-Because You Loved Me
People with
Bipolar Disorder effect family
dynamics in all sorts of ways. There are times when things can get
really
intense. Patience is crucial when a loved one has Bipolar Disorder.
Support
is critical to someone who has the illness however, this may be
extremely
demanding and exhausting at times depending on the severity of the
episode.
Some people may not be able to adapt to a person's Bipolar Illness.
There
are many consequences of this illness and it can take it's toll on
family
members and friends. Bipolars may lose a loved one. My husband Greg
feels
this illness is not the person's fault, nor the family member or
friend's
fault. You must love and care for he or she as if they had any other
illness'
such as diabetes, heart disease or cancer. I am one of the lucky people
to have such a supportive back bone in my court! I have asked Greg to
tell
you how my illness affects him.
Greg on
Juliet's Bipolar
Disorder
It ain't easy! I
have known my wife for 27 years and still cannot predict her behavior from day to day. Her
rapid
cycling can have her changing moods from hour to hour on some days. I
can
leave the house with her in a somewhat "balanced" mood and return only
to find her crying and laying in bed or so energized she can't stay off
the computer while talking in rapid succession mixing words and
sentences.
Sometimes I can't follow what she's talking about because she's not
making
any sense. It seems impossible for her to slow down. We've suffered
financial
set backs due to her overspending on different occasions. When these
mood
changes occur, she may get very angry and sometimes violent. These
anger
outbursts are cutting and brutal. It's difficult to deal with the
person
you love most in the world being so angry at you with the ability to
cut
you to the bone in a matter of seconds. Her fury is often over things
that
are small, however she seems to magnify the issue in her mind. I have
learned
over time that her illness is often the cause of this type of behavior.
Her cycles have changed over the years and she has drifted from
straight
manic episodes and depression to rapid cycling and mixed states with
severe
depressions in the interim.
Her severe
depressions are the worst. I can
see how bad she feels yet I am helpless to pull her out of it. When she
gets seriously depressed, she doesn't cook, clean, groom, answer the
phone,
pay bills, go outside, or do any of her usual things. She's in bed most
of the
time. I'm afraid to leave her alone and am on edge constantly. I fear
she
will suicide as she has attempted before. I take her medications and all the
"sharps" with
me
when I have to leave the house, and I hide or lock them up when I'm
home. I study my home carefully looking at things she might try to kill
herself with. I take all the knives again and anything else I can think of
out of our house. When she reaches this point, it's time for the
hospital and I have to get her admitted.
It's a very painful thing to see. The stress can sometimes be
unbearable.
I used to blame
myself in the early days
that
something I did was causing her outbursts. When she was "high" she was
the life of the party and I didn't realize something was wrong. We were
so young. After we were married her patterns began to change and her
outbursts
began as "happy" but quickly turned spiteful and outrageous. I was
always
in the line of fire. I have now learned and have come to the conclusion
that it's not my fault and it's something she can't control. There is
no
magic pill to make it all go away. Yes, her illness is "controlled" by
medication and it is treatable, however it does not just go away. I
firmly
believe that a spouse and other family members should participate as
much
as possible in the treatment process. I have learned so much by being
my
wife's supporter in all of this. We are a team. I understand her
medications
and the importance of compliance. I go to each and every meeting with
her
psychiatrist so that we can both "take notes" as sometimes she can't
recall
what was said in the meeting. When she asks me to go to her therapist's
appointment, I do. I want to understand everything I can about Bipolar
Illness so I can help my wife with the battle.
My best advice to
those of you who have a
Bipolar
family member or friend is to be kind, supportive, loving (even if you
are gritting your teeth) and participate in the treatment. I know it is
exhausting at times! I have been there believe me! If you are not
comfortable
with the doctor or therapist, get a second opinion. We have been down
that
road too! Speak up, ask questions, and get answers. Learn coping skills
as that is a major key for any family member or friend to be able to
deal
with someone who has Bipolar Disorder! Educate yourself about this
disorder, read, read, read! I sometimes ask her doc
or
therapist for things I might do to help myself when she's having
difficulties.
Sometimes when she's feeling okay, Juliet and I chat about situations
and what we
should do when they occur.
Remember, when things look there absolute worst, try to
remember that this is a treatable illness with proper care and medication. It
can be controlled. You are not to blame nor is your family member. We have seen
light at the end of the tunnel and are able to enjoy things at times. The
illness is a part of who my wife is and I married the whole person!
Take
care,
Greg
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